Hi beans! Today I’m gonna talk about how I maintained a long distance relationship as it is one of the things that people ask me the most on social media. So a little background before I jump into the topic: My boyfriend and I dated for more than 2 and a half years, in which long distance took about 75% of the time. So if you know me, you’ll know that I am a big believer in long distance relationships. And for all of you who have been aching to reunite with your soulmates some day, you are not alone. And I’m gonna be here today to help yall xx
Be a listener first – I know, being alone and independent is hard when your partner is not anywhere near, and life’s tough and you have problems. But at times you’ve got to realize that life can be hard for anybody. Don’t just talk about your problems. Listen to your partner with every fiber of your being. Don’t just hear it. Listen Give advice if you will. In the end they will appreciate it, then you can talk about your problems. Exchange and repeat the cycle.
Fight hardcore, don’t stay silent – Nothing is more painful than silence in a long distance relationship. In the past the longest non-talking phase we’ve been through was two days, three at most. And I’m telling you, if you don’t work it out right away, you’ll get super tense and distracted from anything you are doing at that moment. Set your ego aside and talk it out with your partner. So what if you’ll fight? To be honest, two days of no communication drives me crazier than an hour of hardcore fighting.
An adequate amount of communication – With that being said, communication is very important. You have to always feel the connection between the two. Lack of communication has killed lots of couples out there, so if you want this to work out, make extra effort and extra time for that person. No one is free all the time but your partner will see your effort and really appreciate it. On the other hand, don’t force your partner to constantly talk to you. This is what I mean by “an adequate amount of communication.” Excessive talking is not necessary. If the other person feels too forced to communicate with you all the time, they might also feel too forced to be in this relationship. You don’t want this relationship to become toxic.
Be creative, keep the flames burning (warning: skip this if you’re a child k k) – Now if you’ve reached this stage of the relationship where you feel like something’s missing and you find your casual talks on political issues too dull for a day like today, try cook up something loving. Instead of your casual “goodnight”, send the person a long text on how you’re thankful for him/her being in your life. Send old loving photos that you’ve hid from them to surprise and arouse memories. If your relationship depends a lot on sexual tension, make up some sexy puns to laugh along and lighten up the mood. It’s ok, I’m getting real here. Sex is a biological need in most relationships.
Be honest – Don’t break your lover’s heart. If you’ve done something wrong or broken a promise, and I’m saying as tiny as smoking after promising to quit, tell them. You might be afraid that they’re gonna flip out, but then again you don’t want to be in a relationship feeling guilty all the time. Since both of you are so far apart, your partner can’t figure it out just by sensing it or you know, smelling the nicotine that lingers in your shirt. Again, you want this relationship to be healthy. So don’t lie. The reaction you’ll get is what you deserve. A better advice? Don’t let yourself be in a situation you know your ass can’t handle.
Learn to be happy with yourself first – How can you be happy with a person when you’re not happy with yourself in the first place? Take this opportunity. You’re far ahead of couples who have spent their whole life together without learning to be by themselves. Get a camera. Make art alone. Go on a road trip. Dance naked. Read, write and reflex. Accomplish a fitness goal. Treat yourself a bubble bath. Love yourself. Do things you feel like only YOU enjoy doing while the other person does not. Mine has always been jamming to some alternative or folk rock songs. Appreciate this time because you can’t always do it when you’re together.
Don’t make a big deal out of it – I’ve been dying for this last one. If there is one most valuable, truest advice I can give to you guys is this. I myself used to be very negative about being apart. We both complained a lot about how we missed each other and how we hated being in a long distance relationship. But after times of constantly reuniting and saying goodbye, we’ve changed our mindset and learnt to be positive. Complaining won’t make you miss the person less. Don’t think too much to yourself that “Oh, I’m in a long distance relationship. And this sucks.” When you treat it like it’s normal, it’s not gonna matter.
I hope this helped since I know many of you need this right now.
Love and light,